my christmas wish this yr

my christmas wish this year is really simple. i wanna draw back to God..i wanna dwell in his love again..i don't wanna rely on my own strength anymore. i wanna go carolling..i wanna sing christmas carols..be happy amongst God's pple. i am in the seas right now..i wanna be pulled back onto the ship. though there are helpers who r willing to pull me back up the ship, i'm afraid to do so for the fear of losing those back in the sea. i try to help these pple up onto the ship with my own strength, but i am unable to. i am too weak for that. i can only pray and wait for things to happen.
this year i am not going to be able to do the things i want for christmas. i wanna carol..i really wanna spend the night remembering the true meaning of christmas...& not exaggerated concepts about it just being the season to be jolly.
really hope my night with my gal and her friends can be a fruitful one. really hope so..
if anyone is reading this, i think i need help.